My pal @jwz at the @zivity TC50 after party last night said, “Sometimes I like to time travel and go back to 16 year old me and pretend to tell that person where I am now to see their reaction.” This thought stuck with me all night long. What would Cyan think of me now? I had this thought when I shared the stage with MC Hammer at TC40 in 2007. I once wore Hammer pants. I adored him and there I was demoing my company to him and he was my judge. Unreal.

I just got back from a week long trip to the Midwest where I visited a lot of my family. Going back home tends to depress me. Apologies to any members of my family who are reading this, but I need to get it off my chest and I think it is important enough to share. Maybe what I say will be inspiring and will light a fire under some asses. Maybe not, but I can’t sit here and not say it.

My brother is almost 22 years old and he lives with my mother. He’s incredibly smart and talented, but he loathes his talents because they come naturally to him. He’s an artist and he has extraordinary skill but needs to apprentice for an artist or take lessons on technique in order to be commercially viable. He has big dreams. He wants to work for Wizards of the Coast designing games and characters and trust me, if he did this, they would rock. His drawings are small and you can’t scale up small drawings. He needs to learn how to draw bigger. He needs to also learn how to use computer software for graphics. So, what’s stopping him? Well, unfortunately what seems to stop a lot of people and it really frustrates me.

Individual responsibility, bravery and flexibility. These are things that are core to who I am. I can tell you what my strengths and weaknesses are, I can tell you when I’ve completely fucked up and I own myself. I own every choice I make. I don’t blame other people. I’m brave and I take risks. Life is scary. New things are scary, but I jump and I give it my all and I fall flat on my face again and again and again and … I adapt and I learn from it all. I’m flexible and I am not “above” anything. I’ll do whatever it takes to get from point A to B.

My brother won’t do any of these things. He’d rather place blame elsewhere. His childhood, his circumstances, his whatever, but never *him*. He never says, “I can’t be bothered to try.”, which is fucking obvious to the rest of us, but not to him.

Yeah, I’m railing on my brother. Why? Because I love him. Because I know he can do better.

I’m tired of people telling me I’m lucky. Sure, success is part luck. There are so many variables, but luck doesn’t come to anyone if they don’t ever try anything new and expose themselves to possibility. I’d rather people call me brave, but that’s not going to happen, so I’ll just be “fortunate”, “lucky”, “blessed” and whatever else excuse people want to have for how I got from age 16 to where I am today.

16 year old me was an optimist and that hasn’t changed. I believe in myself and I believe in the people around me. I know what we’re capable of.

Thursday, September 17th, 2009 » Just Me