Diverting emotions
I hate talking on the phone and I haven’t always been this way. When I was a teenager, I stole the cordless phone out of the living room and hid in my closet so I could have long lasting private conversations with boys. Something changed when I was in my early 20s. Probably having a job changed my outlook on phones. So, it is rare that you’ll catch me on the phone and even more rare that I’ll want to have an in-depth conversation with you. A few people have broken through this and my pal Nikhil did tonight and I’m thankful for it. We had a wonderful conversation about repurposing or diverting emotions.
Side note: Whenever I say the word “purpose” in any context, I think about Mr. Anderson in the Matrix. Can’t help it. So, now I’m going to force you to do the same thing. Ok, now that’s over.
It seems that Nikhil and I have the same ability around taking an emotion and turning it into something entirely. People think I don’t get jealous, sad, angry, etc., but trust me — I’m human and I do. It’s just that I have the ability to take those emotions and turn them into something else when I finally get around to choosing to. Sometimes I let them get the best of me and I wallow in them, but usually I figure it out and I climb out of the emotion hole into creation land. Sadness turns into poetry or writing. Being angry turns into cleaning my house, baking, cooking or working out. Being happy I sometimes transform into creation or motivation. Jealousy I channel into sexual energy or love. Self-loathing I turn into experimentation or reflection. Once you identify how you feel, you can take control of those feelings and that can be truly awesome.
Sometimes a good wallow is in order though. I don’t like to pass up a good cry. I let myself feel those emotions. They are physical purging. The mental clarity you get after an eye waterfall is priceless. You are more in touch and in love with yourself in those moments than any others it seems. You want to protect yourself, wear warm things, cuddle and take long hot baths.
Recently when I was in Hawaii I woke up the day after I arrived sobbing. I didn’t have a chance to even think and just woke up absolutely devastated. It was terrible, but instead of forcing myself to get out of bed, I let myself run through the entire string of emotions that followed. I don’t know if you’ve done Yoga, but sometimes you get into a pose and you can’t help but cry. Your body just releases all that stress and it erupts from your tear ducts and that’s just that whether you like it or not. This was one of those. It was the Mt. St. Helens eruption of emotion.
In the end I determined that I needed to take those feelings to the ocean. I let myself float and released it all wave after wave and I sat there thinking about what was going on with me. In the end, I figured that it was a freak out over our mortality and how being in Hawaii and letting loose made me feel relaxed and away from it all. I suddenly had no responsibility. The only thing I had to do was eat really, but everything else was taken care of. Doing something like that can make the mind blank. I was suddenly reminded of all of the people I love and how I haven’t spent as much time with them as I would like. I was reminded of how little time we have and everything that I want to do with my time that I have left. I wanted to make sure I was living each moment to its fullest and I was loving as much as I could.
I took that sadness and I let it pass through me and repurposed it for understanding a bit more about myself and it was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.
So, next time you are upset, jealous, unhappy, happy, anxious, etc., ask yourself what you can do with that. What can you turn it into? If you have a spare moment, share it with me. I’d love to know.
